10-22-2021, 01:56 AM
Ok, so imagine it's the first day of September 2019. 13-year old me is looking on the Internet for free music software, no downloads. And that's how I found OS. Of course, 13-year old me didn't know how to make an account, much less a song -- but did make a sequence. Although I warn you, please spare your ears from this monstrosity my cringiest self made.
After that I kept using OS for months and keep making songs but never finish them. I was like a photocopier of songs: could print out several ideas at a time, but none were ever quite finished. It took mnearly a year before I even gathered the courage to make the account you all know is UnsuspectingDoge23.
It wasn't long after that I discovered the chat feature, and then forums. I began thinking that this site had everything for me, but of course, that was my old 14-year old slightly deppressed self talking. I became too hooked to it, and once late 2019 had ended and 2020 had begun, also begun my downward spiral.
The virus hit, I was separated from my classmates, online school became a pain in the ass for my poor 14-year old self.
Worse of all, I lost all my friends. Every single one of them. Didn't even say goodbye; I couldn't.
Summer of 2020 was actually great until I was reminded of the burden of school. After that I beacame even more addicted to OS over the year. Eventually it got so bad I was letting it get in the way of my classes and eventually once the school year was over, I forced myself to step away. It was a period of healing and relief, and eventually I returned with new health as my 15-year old self was entering the weird middle ground between childhood and young adulthood. But not all stories end in happy endings.
I'm 16 now and I'm still that *****ing photocopier from 3 years before. I can start to make music, but I can't ever end it for my life. I'm still the slightly deppressed and misunderstood 14-year old who has no idea what they're doing, much less has any idea on how to communicate.
I'm still the 15-year old kid who's learning about the abuse and traumatization he took when he was younger.
Right now, I don't really have any real friends, eat alone at breakfast, eat alone at lunch. See so many people coming and going but I still have no idea where I'm supposed to go. Part of me wants to fix problems between my extended family and me, but I just can't. I feel like an impostor (sUs) with so many plays and yet barely any sequences.
I have many plays on OS but sometimes I feel I don't deserve any of them. I talk to many people on OS chat but I never seem to feel as if I'm part of a conversation, much less an important one. I make threads but I never seem to make a connection with people, and honestly part of me expects that.
I'm never whole.
Part of me wants all his family. Part of me wants to push his father away just like he pushed him. Part of me wants to walk with friends beside me. Part of me walks alone. Part of me says I'm doing fine, but part of me also has no idea what he's feeling. Part of me feels happy in where I am now, and part of my hates where I am.
But I will say this: I don't want to say that OS is the one last thing I live for, but it is a part of me that helps make the pie of my mind whole. Maybe my cringy 13-year old self was right; maybe discovering this damn site really did help my steaming wreck of a life. I have to give him that.
Goddamn, that was a mouthful.
After that I kept using OS for months and keep making songs but never finish them. I was like a photocopier of songs: could print out several ideas at a time, but none were ever quite finished. It took mnearly a year before I even gathered the courage to make the account you all know is UnsuspectingDoge23.
It wasn't long after that I discovered the chat feature, and then forums. I began thinking that this site had everything for me, but of course, that was my old 14-year old slightly deppressed self talking. I became too hooked to it, and once late 2019 had ended and 2020 had begun, also begun my downward spiral.
The virus hit, I was separated from my classmates, online school became a pain in the ass for my poor 14-year old self.
Worse of all, I lost all my friends. Every single one of them. Didn't even say goodbye; I couldn't.
Summer of 2020 was actually great until I was reminded of the burden of school. After that I beacame even more addicted to OS over the year. Eventually it got so bad I was letting it get in the way of my classes and eventually once the school year was over, I forced myself to step away. It was a period of healing and relief, and eventually I returned with new health as my 15-year old self was entering the weird middle ground between childhood and young adulthood. But not all stories end in happy endings.
I'm 16 now and I'm still that *****ing photocopier from 3 years before. I can start to make music, but I can't ever end it for my life. I'm still the slightly deppressed and misunderstood 14-year old who has no idea what they're doing, much less has any idea on how to communicate.
I'm still the 15-year old kid who's learning about the abuse and traumatization he took when he was younger.
Right now, I don't really have any real friends, eat alone at breakfast, eat alone at lunch. See so many people coming and going but I still have no idea where I'm supposed to go. Part of me wants to fix problems between my extended family and me, but I just can't. I feel like an impostor (sUs) with so many plays and yet barely any sequences.
I have many plays on OS but sometimes I feel I don't deserve any of them. I talk to many people on OS chat but I never seem to feel as if I'm part of a conversation, much less an important one. I make threads but I never seem to make a connection with people, and honestly part of me expects that.
I'm never whole.
Part of me wants all his family. Part of me wants to push his father away just like he pushed him. Part of me wants to walk with friends beside me. Part of me walks alone. Part of me says I'm doing fine, but part of me also has no idea what he's feeling. Part of me feels happy in where I am now, and part of my hates where I am.
But I will say this: I don't want to say that OS is the one last thing I live for, but it is a part of me that helps make the pie of my mind whole. Maybe my cringy 13-year old self was right; maybe discovering this damn site really did help my steaming wreck of a life. I have to give him that.
Goddamn, that was a mouthful.
"Turn off your computer right now, and go outside and do something to change the world. Have fun."
My sequences: https://onlinesequencer.net/members/45118
Co-Founder of the OS Assassins
Also I own the entirety of all major chords including C major, so cope and seethe harder
My sequences: https://onlinesequencer.net/members/45118
Co-Founder of the OS Assassins
Also I own the entirety of all major chords including C major, so cope and seethe harder
![[Image: OS-Icon.webp]](https://i.ibb.co/xXSSV2n/OS-Icon.webp){kind=icon}
